Sunday, May 22, 2011

Out in the garden painting last two mornings

Out is the garden painting this morning ans the whole world goes away.
It's just me, these canvases MY TOOLS, MY DOG AND TUBES OF PAINT.

All  the sudden I CAN DO NO WRONG, All the sudden, I am awesome!
I have no idea how I will amaze my self next.Each step is an experiment.
Its all new to me but, still it was planned.
Like a pawn in game the canvas tells me what to do and I just respond.

Years of experience come flooding back in seconds as my fingers dance, swooshing brushes and making marks
I grab a palette knife and dig right in with no abandon, there is no plan, there is no mistake just color and gloppy paint.

I am a child again. I am not 33 with graying hair that badly needs dyed. I am painting. and I just remembered. That I am awesome!

I am not worrying about the dirty dishes piling up again. I am not thinking about the mistakes I made at work on the computer yesterday. I am not the error of my ways and my career.Right now I am an artist and I am awesome!

I think to myself if only I could do this everyday, if I could only wedge out a little block of time to be my myself,  messy and reckless and painting my heart out. Be myself, this awesome think how smooth the rest of my day would go?

I am a mess I am dirty I am covered in paint and I don't care.

I am up and I am rolling with it .Yesterday I was down and angry but colorful none the less.When I paint I can feel however I want and let it all out without offending a soul.

I have worries but no matter,I am painting  and it feels awesome!Later I may not think these canvases are that great I will see what needs to be changed but right now in the process they are amazing and I pleasantly surprise myself as I let go and let the process take over.

In Rochester we only get warm weather to go outside and paint it up a few months of the year. I need a completely safe and available space to be messy and my awesome self everyday.  I need the Warehouse Arts space to open. I need a respite of sanity I needs to be able to remind myself everyday that I am awesome and have a place to go to shut off the self defeating voices. I need a place with other just as awesome as me!    

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